Who Packs Your Parachute

Living with a progressive neuromuscular condition tends to push a lot of buttons. It is easy to become down, frustrated, angry, feel less than whole, and not see the beauty that surrounds our daily lives.

My brother sent me a story about U.S. Navy pilot Plumb. I found it fascinating and looked online to confirm the story. Kare Anderson wrote in Forbes a good synopsis of Plumb, his story, and his question to all of us.

About Charles Plumb

Author Unknown

Charles Plumb was a US Navy jet pilot in Vietnam. After 75 combat missions, his plane was destroyed by a surface-to-air missile. Plumb ejected and parachuted into enemy hands. He was captured and spent 6 years in a communist Vietnamese prison. He survived the ordeal and now lectures on lessons learned from that experience.

The story about Charles Plumb, "Who Packs Your Parachute," is a strong and interesting true story that has been shared with many people over the years during lectures and leadership courses.

Who Packs Your Parachute

"...I was a fighter pilot, and he was just a sailor.”

One day, when Plumb and his wife were sitting in a restaurant, a man at another table came up and said, “You’re Plumb! You flew jet fighters in Vietnam from the aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk. You were shot down!”

“How in the world did you know that?” asked Plumb.

“I packed your parachute,” the man replied.

Plumb gasped in surprise and gratitude. The man pumped his hand and said, “I guess it worked!” Plumb assured him, “It sure did. If your chute hadn’t worked, I wouldn’t be here today.”

Plumb couldn’t sleep that night, thinking about that man. Plumb says, “I kept wondering what he might have looked like in a Navy uniform: a white hat, a bib in the back and bell-bottom trousers. I wonder how many times I might have seen him and not even said 'Good morning, how are you?’ or anything, because, you see, I was a fighter pilot, and he was just a sailor.”

Plumb thought of the man hours the sailor had spent on a long wooden table in the bowels of the ship, carefully weaving the shrouds and folding the silks of each chute, holding in his hands each time the fate of someone he didn’t know.

Now, Plumb asks his audience, "Who's packing your parachute?" Who has done something that has helped make your day safer – or easier or more pleasant – or who have you witnessed “packing” for someone else?

Each of us are touched by individuals who provide what we need to make it through the day. Some help inadvertently. Praise that person anyway. You are supporting the kind of behavior you respect – making it more likely to happen again.

This is where during Plumb's talks he asks his audience,

“Who’s packing your parachute?”

Everyone has someone who provides what they need to make it through the day. 

Plumb also points out that he needed many kinds of parachutes when his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He needed his physical parachute, his mental parachute, his emotional parachute and his spiritual parachute. He called on all these supports before reaching safety.

Sometimes in the daily challenges that life gives us, we miss what is really important.

We may fail to say "hello," "please," or "thank you," congratulate someone on something wonderful that has happened to them, give a compliment or just do something nice for no reason."

As you go through this week, this holiday season, and this coming year, recognize people who pack your parachute.

The above story is also my way of saying, THANK YOU.

Thank you for reading my blog, for writing me, for providing suggestions and feedback, for everything else you do in "packing my parachute."

Happy Holidays!

Long-Distance Caregivers

Image via Pexels

How to Get to Know Your Loved One’s Neighbors

Claire Wentz contacted me and asked if I would be interested in a guest post on caregivers. I said I would be interested if it is relevant to those of us Living with Kennedy's Disease or another type of progressive neuromuscular disorder. Below is an interesting primer on the subject along with links to additional resources. Thanks, Claire.

Summary

Caregivers ensure the safety, health, and happiness of those who cannot care for themselves. Many people find themselves in a caregiving position as senior loved ones age and develop common disabilities. If you are a caregiver for a family member that lives in another area, tap into the power of community to help. You may be surprised at how many neighbors are willing to lend a helping hand when it comes to caring for seniors.

What is a Caregiver?

When a person is unable to live alone safely, they often rely on a family member or loved one to step in as caregiver. A caregiver helps the person for which they are caring with the activities of daily living. They typically assist with basic living needs such as bathing, dressing, and grooming as well as any special medical needs. Caregivers are responsible for making sure there are meals prepared and that the person in need of care eats enough. They ensure that all housekeeping and transportation needs are met as well. Caregivers are also intermediaries between the cared and medical professionals-- doctors, nurses, specialists, etc. Furthermore, caregivers are a source of companionship for people. They help prevent loneliness and the medical complications that can result from it.

While people of all ages and conditions need caregivers, many people don’t find themselves in the position of needing one until they approach their senior years. As we grow older, health complications tend to increase. Because of this, older Americans are more likely to live with a disability than younger people. According to survey research from 2015, about a quarter (25.4 percent) of Americans ages 65 to 74 are living with a disability. About half (49.8 percent) of those ages 75 and older report living with a disability. Mobility problems are the most common health complication among older Americans.

When your senior loved one is incapable of taking care of themselves due to a health complication, it’s not always possible to pack up and move to where they live. In these situations, many people find themselves acting as a long-distance caregiver. As a long-distance caregiver, you face many challenges. Luckily, there are resources that can help.

It Takes a Village

We often here “it takes a village” in relation to bringing up a child, but the term can be equally meaningful when it comes to the care of seniors. America was founded on the idea that a person can be whomever and do whatever they want, which leads a lot of us to search for opportunities away from home. We don’t have the same cultural values as places like Japan, where children are expected to dutifully tend to their parents. It is possible to adhere to your American independence while caring for your older loved ones; it just takes some networking and creativity.

Organizations such as A Little Help connect seniors and their caregivers to the community around them. When the caregiver can’t be around to assist with certain activities, the service allows them to reach out to friends and neighbors who can. Organizations like A Little Help allow seniors with disabilities to maintain independence into their 80s or 90s, even when their primary caregiver doesn’t live in the same area. Beyond normal caregiving services, they can also help seniors with transportation, household and yard maintenance, and maintaining a healthy and active social life.

Beyond working with programs like A Little Help, long-distance caregivers can connect to their senior loved one’s community in other ways:

●     Plan a neighborhood potluck for the next time you are in town. Have neighbors and friends bring over their favorite recipes and set up some get-to-know-you games. Don’t ask for help during the party, but do have a guest book where people can log their phone numbers and email addresses.

●     Create a street or neighborhood Facebook group people can join. People are more likely to lend a hand if they know there is a network they can reach out to when they need one as well.

●     Go on walks with your senior loved one around the neighborhood. Stop and talk to people as you pass them walking their dogs or if you see them hanging out in their garages or front porches.

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 Should you wish to learn more, visit Caring FromAfar or email Claire by clicking on her name.

Common Courtesy - Interacting with a disabled person

I remember back when I did not have any physical disabilities. I never really thought too much about some of the points made in the article below. As my Kennedy's Disease progressed, several times I found myself in a position that I needed hel. Some of the kindest people are often strangers that I met once and will probably never meet again. Regularly, I find that a single act of kindness at a moment of need is remembered for years.

The below article was published on the “How to of the Day.” To read more, please follow the link below.

How to Interact With People Who Have Disabilities

It's not uncommon to feel a bit uncertain talking to or interacting with someone who has a physical, sensory or intellectual disability. Socializing with people with disabilities need be no different from any other interactions. But, if you're not familiar with a given disability, you might fear either saying something offensive or doing the wrong thing by offering assistance. Here are some dos and don'ts to keep in mind.

1. Realize that disability is universal. Think about the friends or family members you know with disabilities. Perhaps they have arthritis or other physical limitations and are unable to walk up stairs. Perhaps they have a hearing problem, or are on a special diet due to diabetes. Disability of one kind or another is something that we all experience personally in life, eventually. Thus, we will all have times when we need a little help and understanding.

2. Learn from people in your life. If you are able to be considerate of the people you know, you will also be able to do the same for strangers. Ask the people you know how they feel, what they prefer, how they react to situations, and take your cues and lessons from them. You can use the same lessons with strangers.

3. Understand that most people with disabilities have adapted to them. Some disabilities are present from birth, and others come later in life due to accident or illness, but either way, most people learn how to adapt and take care of themselves. Most are independent in everyday living, but that does not mean they might need help at certain times.

4. When people develop disabilities later in life, it may require lots of adjusting on their part. Things that they were able to do naturally now require adaptation and patience, and there are some things they may never be able to do without assistance or assistive technology. They may need help for tasks they once did without thought. But none of this means that they can't adapt to a new way of life, and as such, while they may require your support, they do not need your pity.

5. Put yourself in their position. Don't focus on the disability. It is not important that you figure out what their particular problem is; it is only important that you treat them as an equal, talk to them as you would to anyone else, and act as you would normally act if a new person entered into your life.

6. Don't be afraid of asking what disability a person is dealing with if you feel this might help you make a situation easier for them. For example, if a person has difficulty walking, ask them if they would prefer to take the elevator instead of the stairs. Chances are, they have been asked that question a million times, and they know how to explain it in a few sentences. If the disability resulted from an accident or the person finds the information too personal, they will most likely answer that they prefer not to discuss it.

7. Ask if you can be of assistance to them, as appropriate. Never act as if you have not noticed them. Ask if you can help, but do not insist on it if they tell you they do not need help.

8. Avoid getting in the way. Move out of the way when you see someone attempting to navigate in a wheelchair. Move your feet out of the path of someone who is using a cane or a walker. If you notice that they might not be strong and steady on their feet, offer to help, but do not invade their personal space.

9. Unless asked to do so, do not touch their wheelchair or any aid device including guide, hearing or seeing-eye dog without asking.

10. Be patient. For example, if the person in front of you is slowly walking down the stairs, do not mutter under your breath or sigh deeply. Show the same kind of patience that you would want in their shoes.

11. Teach your children to be kind and understanding. Take a zero tolerance policy on laughing at someone who might look strange or funny to them. Teach them that all people have feelings, just like they do, and that they should accept their differences without judgment. It's okay for children to be curious and ask you discrete questions about disability.

12. Remember that people are, first and foremost, people. Offering help to someone with a disability should come from kindness, not a sense of pity or a perception of weakness. Seek to help others, and if you find yourself being offered help, regardless of whether you have a disability, accept it gratefully, with a smile and a thank you. Be respectful, above all else.

To read the entire article, follow this link: Interacting with People with Disabilities

Have you hugged your caregiver today?

Rosalyn Carter said, "There are only four kinds of people in the world – those who have been caregivers, those who are currently caregivers, those who will be caregivers, and those who will need caregivers."

Caregivers usually do not receive a lot of appreciation. Often caregivers, after giving and giving, day after day, end up needing to be cared for themselves. They not only feel the weight of the world on their shoulders for the person they are caring for, but they also have to care for their own needs and the needs of the other family members. Stress can build up in the caregiver. Depression is common among caregivers. When this happens, it is usually the result of feeling everything is their responsibility and they have nowhere to turn for help or support.

Living with Kennedy's Disease isn't just about me. It is about everyone who provides support. I have mentioned more than once, I am not always the easiest person to live with. To put it bluntly, my wife is a saint for putting up with me. Fortunately, she understands and accepts most of my shortcomings. In those rare occasions where I push back a little too much, a right uppercut straightens me out. 😎

For those of us that are fortunate enough to have a caregiver, we need to understand that the caregiver needs caring for, too. Unless contracted, caregivers almost never get a vacation or have time to just relax and pamper themselves. It is usually a 24-7 job. 

Caregivers need your emotional support, your understanding, and most importantly, your love when things do not quite go as planned.


The National Family of Caregivers provides the following "Tips for Caregivers."

1. Caregiving is a job. Reward yourself with personal time often.

2. Watch for signs of depression, and do not delay in getting professional help when you need it.

3. When people offer to help, accept the offer and suggest specific things that they can do.

4. Educate yourself about your loved one's condition. Understanding it will help you communicate effectively with the person and the doctors.

5. There is a difference between caring and doing. Be open to technologies and ideas that promote your loved one's independence.

6. Trust your instincts; most of the time they will lead you in the right direction.

7. Caregivers often do a lot of lifting, pushing, and pulling. Be good to your back.

8. Seek support from other caregivers. There is great strength in knowing you are not alone.

A good resource for caregivers can be found here:  Good Caregiver Tips Cheat Sheet

Graphics:  cheatography.com/davidpol/cheat-sheets/good-caregiver-tips/

Just Be There

For those of us living with a progressive disorder, knowing we are not alone is important mentally and emotionally. 

The dictionary defines "support" as: (1) to hold up or provide a foundation, (2) provide assistance, (3) the act of helping to bear the weight or strengthening. Nowhere does this word mean, ‘to fix.’ I was always a ‘fixer’. I tried to make things better, but often found I was not helping at all. I am learning that often you just need to “be there” for others in their time of need.

My father had a gift; one that I do not possess. He could "be there for you." My dad spent a good deal of his evenings and Sunday afternoons visiting shut-ins or people in the hospital. On several occasions, I went with him to help perform some needed chores around the person's house while he or she recovered. The one thing that amazed me was my father’s ability to "be there" without intruding. Many times, he would just sit there in the room without saying a word. At other times, he would be chattier than his usual self. 

I asked him one time how he could just sit in a room with a person for over an hour and not say anything. He responded, "You do not always have to talk to carry on a conversation." At the time I did not have a clue what that meant. 

He also told me that often a person, especially someone with a serious illness, does not want to talk about it. They just want to know that you are there and praying for them. He felt you never really knew what was going to happen when you visited someone. It was important that you not try to say the right words, try to help, or try to carry on a conversation. It is your job to be there for them in whatever role they need at the time. He surprised me when he added, “Sometimes that means you are the punching bag.”

Many a time I saw him sitting next to someone's bed and holding his or her hand. Other times, I saw him kneel next to the person's bed and pray. Often, I saw him crying afterwards. One time after we left a person's house that was dying of cancer, I asked why he does this if it tears him up so bad. He said, "Because they need to know they are not alone."

When I then asked him how he knows what to say, he commented, “I don’t know what to say until I sit with the person. I just have faith that the right words would be there when needed.”

He also mentioned something that hit home much later in my life. "Never say that you know what a person is going through, because you don't. Be there for them. Let them take the lead. And, be patient."