Patience is a Virtue

How does that saying go? God grant me the serenity to accept things that I cannot change, and to … (what was it that came next?). Forget it!  I don't have time for this!  

 There was a time when I was a patient guy. I accepted anything positive or negative in life as part of my journey while thinking, "this too will pass." Somewhere along the line, the "acceptance" pill became much more difficult to swallow. It seems like I am always choking on it these days.

I believe a part of the problem is my "fix it" mentality. If that is not bad enough, I not only want to fix it, I want to "fix it now."

• The room needs painting
  
• The bird feeders need filling
  
• The Christmas tree needs to be put up and decorated

This attitude seems to get me into a lot of trouble because many times things just cannot be fixed. To complicate matters, I no longer have the strength, endurance, dexterity and balance to fix many things. I cannot rely upon my arms, hands, and legs to last for the duration of the project. This has become a major source of my frustrations.

Another part of the problem is my belief that "this should not be that difficult." Boy, does this one get me into trouble.

• Making dinner
  
• Hooking up a new HD television
  
• Fixing a leaky faucet 
  

When you combine "fix it now" with "this should not be that difficult" when tackling a project, watch out because I might blow a gasket. Something as simple as putting on a heavy winter coat, for example, should not be that difficult. When you are trying to do it while sitting down and wearing a big sweater, another level of dexterity and complexity is added to the task. Several times my arms have become stuck about half way down the sleeves and I cannot get the coat on or off without a struggle.

I cannot blame Kennedy's Disease for my loss of patience. I believe that a lot of the problem stems from me not mentally and emotionally adjusting to the fact that I am no longer the "man of the house."

What I cannot figure out is why I can occasionally accept the difficulty and complexity of some things without my blood pressure rising one point. Perhaps it is because of the attitude I have going into the project or daily routine. If, ahead of time, I do not have any unrealistic expectations (I accept that it will be difficult and perhaps impossible to fix or make) and I do not self-impose a time frame to accomplish the task, I have a peaceful and somewhat enjoyable (rewarding) experience.

You would think that a peaceful and rewarding experience should be the goal every time I begin a project. Unfortunately, with my current "mode-of-operating" in this world, I act first without thinking everything through. It would be helpful if I developed a mental checklist of questions to answer before beginning any project. Some of the questions could be:

• Is it realistic for me to attempt this project?
  
• If not, is there help available or should I ask someone else to do it?
  
• Do I have everything necessary (i.e., the right tools and conditions) to do the job?
  
• When does the job have to be done?
  
• What happens if I find out that I cannot fix (or make) it halfway through the project (when is it time just to walk away)?
  
• What is the best and worst case scenarios for this project?
  

Just writing these questions was helpful. I am certain I can refine them further with a little more thought. I need to keep this list available until I have used it enough times to make it a part of every project.

More importantly, I need to adopt a positive mental attitude when it comes to any kind of project or routine. My mantra needs to be something like:

"Patience fosters acceptance"

… and …

"Realism tempers expectations"

Above all, I need to remember that, "Impatience and unrealistic expectations result in frustration and anger."

I will leave you with the Serenity Prayer: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."