How Do I Become More Resilient?

As you could tell from my previous blog, I was feeling a little frustrated the other day. Sometimes I just need to vent. However, being a believer in the comment that, "nothing comes into this world (my life) uninvited," I realized that I needed an attitude adjustment.

It always seems that if I am feeling frustrated, something happens that causes me to straighten up (change my attitude or perspective).  This time, it was an article in another blog.  Goodlife Zen, Practical Inspiration for a Happier Life, had an article on "Why Some People Thrive No Matter What Happens.  The guest author, Gail Brenner, commented that the key to remaining resilient is to not identify yourself as a victim.

The dictionary defines "resilient" as: recovering readily from adversity; elastic, rebounds easily.

I remember the old Timex commercials where the watch would go through some ridiculous situation that no watch should survive and then John Cameron would say, "Timex … It takes a licking, but keeps on ticking." Now that was some "resilient" watch.

Ms. Brenner commented, "Resilient people understand that anything can happen. They realize that the world isn't fair and that difficult things can happen to the most wonderful people. They feel their emotional reactions, then figure out how to pick themselves up and move forward. It might take a long time and happen in tiny increments, but the predominant movement is toward living and not just existing."

Another key comment in the article was, "Being resilient means understanding that we cannot control what happens to us, but that we can control how we relate to what happens. We get to choose. We can carry around the tragic events of our lives, letting them color the way we view ourselves and the world, or we can prosper." I believe I mentioned "attitude adjustment" in the first paragraph. Feeling frustrated is something that happens only occasionally, but it happens nonetheless. Frustration is usually followed by acceptance. Once I have accepted the situation, life seems to move forward again.

"People who are resilient accept what happened, but resist defining themselves by it." The author mentioned a study that revealed a number of qualities that resilient people have that encourage thriving even when something negative occurs in their life.

Resilience People have:

• "Strong relationships with people who support, encourage, and reassure;
  
• The willingness to allow strong feelings – anger, grief, fear – without avoiding them;
  
• The ability to make a plan and carry it out;
  
• Confidence – an attitude of "I can," rather than "I can't." Trusting oneself and one's abilities;
  
• The capacity to learn from life experiences.
  
• Self-care. Resilient people are attentive to their own needs. They nurture themselves, and seek out help when needed."

I found that the following really struck home. "Resilience is not about a falsely optimistic … view of the world. It is about being realistic with what happens, … and not turning away from struggling. Resilience is about engaging with life."

Okay, I had my two "bad attitude" days and even though I do not like my current weakened state, I have adjusted to it and life goes on.

In closing, I want to thank the people who sent me encouraging comments. Luis was very kind when he said I could contact him anytime if I needed to vent. That was special and reinforced bullet one about having "strong relationships with people who support, encourage, and reassure."