Life just isn’t fair.
What did I do to deserve this?
I could go on, but I am just making a point. Sometimes it is easy to become caught up in the victim or martyr complex. Wiki describes the complex as a person who desires the feeling of being a martyr for his/her own sake, seeking out suffering or persecution because it feeds either a psychological need, or a desire to avoid responsibility.
And that takes us to today’s words of power.
I am the only person responsible for how I feel
I used to sail a little and loved it. There is a saying, “smooth seas don’t make good sailors.” It means that it doesn’t take a lot of skill to sail in good weather. Where you really learn how to sail is when there is a storm, or little wind, or you lose a sail.
The same can be said about life. If everything goes along smoothly, we are happy. But the minute something happens that disrupts our perspective on life, we often ask, why me, or say it just isn’t fair.
In the real world, situations outside our norm are what challenge us and force us to learn, to adapt, and if necessary, to change direction. Those of us living with a progressive neuromuscular disorder, for example, learn this early on in life. We first had to overcome the shock of the diagnosis. Then came severe cramping and tremors. After you survived that, next came the tripping, falling and legs buckling, or some other symptom. It seems there is always something new taking place challenging what we just finished adapting to. Because of this, it is easy to feel sorry for yourself or just give up trying.
When you finally understand that you are responsible for how you feel, life doesn’t get any better. The progression and challenges associated with the disorder continue, but your perspective changes. You still have to get up every morning, you still have responsibilities, you still have family and friends, and you still have a life to live. You are no longer the victim. You do the best you can with the abilities that you still retain. The big difference is that you are happier and so is everyone around you.